first post

I’ve decided to start blogging again. And this time wiping away all previous posts so it’s a fresh start.

I do think I’ve been thinking a lot recently (by that I mean reflecting and daydreaming) and so the idea of documenting and having an avenue to store my thoughts resonates to me. Perhaps this’ll be yet another one off thing I start but never finish.

So here’s my first post:

Time pretty much flies, and about a week or two has passed since school CT’s. I feel I’ve put in a decent proportion of effort, but it doesn’t seem to amount to much – as seen from my dismal grades. I’ve failed math, CSE, and even econs.

What a bummer.

Does a sub-pass for all of them count as consolation? Math was pure error – I should’ve known to get enough sleep prior to the exam; CSE – I love the subject, but I can’t seem to score at all; econs – studying for this was pure torture but I’m glad I persevered, the grades I got eventually were an improvement from the last. At least GP maintained the status quo – I got a C again. People tell me I should be content with this grade, but I still think I could do better.

The gravity of this situation smacks me right in my face – typing all these out makes me digest how deplorable my grades are. 3 failures and 1 miserly pass??? What right do I have to be studying in a JC at all? Seniors say the situation might improve, that miracles happen before the As, that it all eventually works out in the end. What are the chances? A lucky few might make the grade, but I bet a minority exists that makes the fall each year. With my sub-par grades, it still feels right to work even harder than before. Probably it’s just karma for being such a delinquent in y1-3.

It doesn’t feel so bad not being in ylead. Today has been pretty slack for non-ylead year fives – I’ve had time to read, time to have fun with friends, time to take a step back and actually do nothing at all. It feels so much like life in year 1 that it’s almost surreal. I left school at 2pm, went to Westgate to hobo around and talk, and got home about 4 or so. It’s a first this year, arriving home before 5pm at the very least. This doesn’t feel like reality – that I’m stuck in a reality TV show and it’ll all end soon.

It’ll all be nothing once ylead is over, and I’ll have to face once again that breathlessness, that intense pressure I’ve come to both love and hate. In the meantime I’ll just have to savour this short breather I’ve got now.

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