Sooooo I recently got into a sporting accident and injured my knee. It was pretty bad – my acl was completely torn, and my mcl suffered a grade 3 tear of some sort. It sucks, not being able to be fully mobile, having very much to perpetually depend on others. I’m apparently supposed to be on 2 crutches till who knows when, but I’ve taken the liberty to practice walking on one. I hate my legs.
Most of all, it means a certain loss in independence, and that’s a sucker. Ugh I hate not being able to walk! I want to run and be free and fly anywhere at all, to have the liberty to do whatsoever I want. Who’d be willing to stay stuck on a chair all day – no one in their right mind! I absolutely hate being in a wheelchair. It makes me feel out of control albeit selfishly but I can’t help it. It compels me to feel like my ahma, and I deign to sit on one. I know there are stories about athletes that climb a mountain on crutches yada yada (you get my drift) but I’m simply not one of them. I detest detest detest detest so badly not being able to go for a run; to go for a swim; to go rock climbing; to go for a walk in the park; to go shopping; to do PE!!! I dislike how my crutches get in the way of everything, how they are noisy and draw attention to me, how they label me as a disabled bla, how they make me ‘special’, and in a bad way. I hate how that kid the other day said “妈妈那个是残废人” Kids are innocent and I really do love them but this. It really gets on my nerves.
Speaking of this, I should probably get back to school. I’m supposedly able to be back already, and I should by logic be doing so. It’s not as if though I tore 9999 ligaments but perhaps it’s laziness on my part. My 2 days of mc till promos aren’t exhausted yet, and I absolutely detest going school in such a state. I feel disintegrated. My thoughts are strewn all over a 100m drain. I can’t bring myself to return for classes, hopping around on that bloody crutch. (very much a love-hate relationship with it)
Damm, there’s no sunshine in this.
When this is all over, I’ll run 10 fucking marathons. Believe me.