Week 13

I haven’t been thinking lately. A little back I remember very hurriedly noting down something small about tHalloween along the lines of:

“thalloween was great though now i have no time to reflect on in because i am screwed for my submissions!! managed to complete an essay under the table during scaring downtime hur hur”

which was really sad haha

In the relentless ebb of things one tends not to think. Thinking takes time! It entails staring into the distance and pondering. Sometimes I lie awake late at night, not thinking about very much at all. Nothing but wistful absorption in the emptiness of one’s mind. Which truthfully is quite a pleasure.

Wish I had plentitude time and peace of mind to wander and ponder, but I think the last I’ll have the luxury of such was post-As. I miss fondly long walks from Thompson with KH, trampling round the park connectors with SH/WY, even long solo cycles in the rosy glow of dawn.

Was at crossroads then – a period of deep confusion about where I was duty bound to head to (reason or passion!!). Following that was recess week which involved a brief period of rueful thinking. Now, I’m settled! Kind of, I think. Done and dusted. I try not to think too much about the choices I’ve made. The right thing to do too.

At MPS yesterday someone cried over a story involving an old granny, nearing death (wrong, to state this! usually unspoken!), and forlorn. Death makes me wonder about what constitutes living, and of what worth living presents. Are we still living if physically present, but mentally otherwise?

Old age scares me. Very much. I conversely exhibit slight proclivity to young children. They possess immense potential – young, malleable souls with a great way ahead of them (if society deems so). At the same time I am guilty of avoiding community projects involving the old. Selfish, I know. Those involve weighty thinking about lost opportunity, and slight regret I’ve accumulated over the years.

tldr: It was very relatable, and made me lapse into introspection. Yet contracts called, and my thoughts shuttered in a grey metal locker. Why bother?

The boys are reading loads during army time. I am jealous of this. Bought a bunch of books at UTown the other day (heart was full!! 5 classics for $20!), and joyo made a really apt comment that I’d never get down to reading the stuff I bought. Life pls stop galloping on it is windy and I am lost why I am writing in unnaturally short sentences

oh wait, short sentences signify the lack of thought – fragments of incoherence with no singular running thread,


time to study ha ha no time to think


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